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How do I know if I or a loved one have a problem?
Perhaps the clearest sign of a need for help is asking the question to begin with. Searching for information to educate you further is a good place to start. Here are a few quick questionnaires to choose from to begin determining where you stand. Keep in mind, taking a test online is no substitute for being assessed by a trained professional.
Drug use: DAST
Alcohol use: MAST
Complete this form to receive a phone consultation...
Do I Need Help?
How do I know if I or a Loved One Have A Problem?
Three Key Components of Addiction
It's My Life, My Body; I Should Be Able to Do What I Want, Right?
But I'm Not Addicted
Do I Really Have A Problem If I Am Able to Juggle All Of Life's Demands?
I Only Use Sometimes, Do I Really Need to Get Help?
Can't I Fix This On My Own?
What About Alcohol?
What About Privacy?
Will Entering Treatment Mean I Surrender Control Of My Life?
The Relationship Center Addiction Treatment — Mission Statement
Pornography & Sex
Gambling
Work & Success (A Life That's Out of Order)
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Three key components of addiction:
Tolerance: A progressing need for more of the substance to achieve the desired results. (This may be as a means to maintain a functioning balance, homeostasis, rather than any high).
Withdrawal: An inability or strong discomfort present when the substance is discontinued.
Loss of Control: Behavior becomes substance-driven rather than controlled by the individual. Despite efforts, the individual is not able to stop using.
It’s my life and my body; I should be able to do what I want, right?
It’s a very common question for those contemplating help. We all have the choice, ultimately, of how we will live. To really answer the question, though, take an objective look at your life. Are you an island unto yourself? Is there really no one impacted by what you choose to do? This does not include the already strained or estranged relationships present, as they have clearly been hurt by your addiction. The truth is, very few, if any people can answer the question above with a genuine and honest “yes.” The question itself is an indication of the battle going on inside you to reconcile your behavior. Addiction, in all its forms, is toxic to relationships and hurts you and others. It offers nothing positive. No one can make you change, but others can help.
But I’m Not Addicted.
The classic image of substance abuse involves a person out on the streets, with no money, friends, or resources. The person is dressed poorly and has a look of despair. While there are instances where addiction appears in this form, it often takes the shape of an individual who, on the outside, does not appear to have any problem at all. People struggling with addiction frequently hold respected positions in the community and provide well for their families. It is a blessing to have resources, but they can also stand in the way of getting help.
Do I really have a problem if I am able to juggle all of life’s demands?
Addiction is a problem and requires competent treatment. Take the illustration of a house fire. If a home catches on fire, our response is not to simply evaluate the size. “Well, it’s a small fire, and it’s in a part of the house we don’t really use that much. Let’s just leave it be for the time being and pretend it’s not there.” However, as with fires, addiction does not stay contained and manageable; that is an illusion. Instead, when there is a fire, the best response is to put it out while it is small and has not done much damage. Just like a home, if we don’t deal with addiction, the fire spreads.
I only use sometimes, do I really need to get help?
Again, we have to take time to challenge the common conception of those who struggle. Compulsory use, though infrequent, is a sign of a problem. Sometimes there are periodic binges, with long periods of sobriety in between. People confuse these times as a sign that the person is able to maintain “control” of their use, so there is no a problem. However, these times of sobriety are incorrectly labeled. Don’t compare yourself with the “career addict” who serves as the mascot of addiction. This person has been in AA and NA meetings, treatment centers, and many counseling programs. His or her identity is defined by addiction. However, this is not case in “functional addiction”. Problem behavior, very often, is in the form of infrequent and non constant use. The question is not whether the person is in control. He or she is not and only trying to convince him or herself and others that they are. The question becomes “Is this behavior destructive?”
Can’t I Fix This On My Own?
No. Addiction creates isolation and dysfunction in relationships. Developing healthy relationships is key to long-term success. You cannot get better by doing more of what got you here in the first place.
What About Alcohol?
When it comes to the consumption of alcohol, the line between simply drinking and needing treatment is drawn with one simple word, “alcoholic.” People who are feeling the effects of drinking that is excessive and hazardous to living will come to professionals asking the question, “Am I an alcoholic?”. The hope is that they will be told they do not meet the criteria for this label, and, as such, do not really have a serious issue. Instead, others need to stop hounding them about having a problem, and they can stop doubting themselves because an expert determined they do not meet the criteria to be defined in this way.
However, it is important to introduce a few new terms into the conversation:
Excessive/Hazardous Drinking: A pattern of drinking leading to negative impacts on a person’s physical and mental health. This can include the problems drinking causes in personal relationships as well. Legal issues may arise as the result of use. May not qualify the person as an alcoholic in the strictest sense.
Functioning Alcoholic: This term is used to describe an all too common phenomenon, the alcoholic who is able to maintain work or family while continuing to drink. Frequently, family members and loved ones excuse the behavior or simply tolerate it, not able to point to a significant crisis. Indeed, the person will highlight his or her ability to balance the use with completing needed responsibilities. However, the functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic.
Alcohol is legal, widely available, and romanticized in music, movies, and memory. It’s often a part of family gatherings, parties with friends, and work functions. As a result, people are hesitant to see a problem when it is present. Not everyone who drinks has a problem, but those with problems often drink. If you think you have an issue, you can come forward for confidential, dignified help on your terms. The truth is, there are a lot of people just like you.
What About Privacy?
Confidential treatment in a comfortable setting is the highest priority at The Relationship Center. We respect your decision to get help and the right you have to keep this private. From the outset of treatment, our confidentiality practices ensure an that individual can seek treatment without the concern that others in the community will find out. We target the professional population at The Relationship Center, so those who might not otherwise seek help can be comfortable, including those whose jobs might otherwise prevent public admission of a problem.
Will entering treatment mean I surrender control of my life?
No. This is a common concern of people seeking help. The Relationship Center is, by design, not a compulsory program. It is patient centered and client led. Those getting help are able to make the decisions about what their care will include. Our competent staff are here as advisors to aid you in making the best decisions, not as authority figures.
The Relationship Center Addiction Treatment- Mission Statement:
To offer comprehensive clinically proven addiction treatment that is Biblically sound. Our belief in addiction as an issue with the whole person is central to our work. We believe in God’s plan for men and women to live, not to endure.
Other Addictions: Addiction is not limited to putting substances in the body. Instead, the problem of addiction can occur in the form of an imbalance in important areas of a person’s life. Left unchecked, the loss of balance begins to negatively impact overall functioning and ability to have healthy relationships with others.
Pornography & Sex:
Sexual addictions are a very real and pervasive issue today. As people are inundated on every side by provocative media, true, healthy sexuality is lost. Pornography and sexual issues destroy a person’s ability to have meaningful, intimate relationships. You can get help reclaiming your life.
Gambling:
It starts out as fun and can end up as a life-controlling addiction. Gambling takes advantage of one of the most powerful behavioral conditioning tools available. A specific behavior can be encouraged by periodic reward. The continuing promise driving the action is the potential for significant gain. Once an individual...
Work & Success(A Life That’s Out of Order):
Addiction in the workplace and in the case of career success is present in many families and goes unchallenged, despite having serious consequences. Hard work is not a bad thing, but when work begins to supersede relationship with God, spouse, children, and other important people, life gets out of order. Those who challenge the person with the problem are left doubting their own motivations. The individual is a good provider and work/career are a fact of life, but work is not the reason we exist. Having a career you are gifted in or enjoy is a blessing. However, that blessing can become a burden to those who care about you and need relationship with you. Many marriages and children are sacrificed on the altar of career. Getting life back in order is essential to living life at its best.
Teach Me About Addictions
Course Of Addiction
Use / Abuse / Addiction
What Is Happening In My Brain When I Use?
What Does Treatment Consist Of?
How Long Does Treatment Last?
What If It's Legal?
Back to the Top
Course of Addictions
ABUSE ADDICTION|
Substance use moves forward not backwards. A diagnosis of addiction or dependence determines that any use for the person in the future is a return to addiction/dependence. As such, a person who has been diagnosed with a substance abuse problem may progress to a diagnosis of full addiction/dependence. In the future, such persons can progress to sobriety, but although moderating their use may lessen their tolerance/withdrawal, it does not allow them a return to simple use or abuse status. Due to the diagnosis of addiction, further use dictates that dependence pre-empts the use of the terms use and abuse. |
Use:The individual begins drinking alcohol or taking drugs recreationally or for alleviation of emotional / physical discomfort. The use is not sanctioned by a health care provider and is seen by friends / family as experimentation. Loved ones may be alarmed, but there is no apparent loss in the person’s ability to function or success in life. Often viewed as a phase. The user does not have physical or emotional withdrawal or cravings. Such users are able to regulate use and continue because they want to, not because they are compelled to.
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Abuse:Intake of substances likely increases in regularity at this point. The user is now expending substantial energy in the acquisition and consumption of substances. The individual's daily activities are becoming more centered on substance use/recovery and he or she associates with others who use more exclusively, alienating friends who don’t. Use is often hidden and is quickly getting out of control. Attempts to speak with the person in this stage will quickly result in hostility and denial. Negative consequences of use are becoming more evident and include legal problems, strained relationships, declining school/job performance, and lessening interest is activities, which used to be enjoyed.
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Addiction:Substance use has progressed to the point of compulsion. The individual is no longer able to manage his or her use to prevent major difficulties. Tolerance and loss of control are present. Withdrawal is also a major concern of the user, who continues his or her habit as a means of avoiding discomfort rather than simply achieving a high. The purpose of obtaining and maintaining a constant supply of the substance consumes a great deal of the person’s thoughts and energy. Major dysfunction in relationships is present with significant conflict. The individual isolates from loved ones and associates with his or her using “friends.” Legal problems, inability to maintain employment, and other major consequences don’t seem to be enough to motivate change in the person, despite the prompting of loved ones. The user has taken on dysfunctional attitudes about life, relationships, and responsibility, perhaps in contrast to his or her previous way of operating. This is the point at which families and loved ones often take the dramatic step of organizing some kind of intervention. However, without adequate guidance by a trained expert, this action can go very wrong. |
What Is Happening In My Brain When I Use?
Tolerance: A progressing need for more of the substance to achieve the desired results. (This may be as a means to maintain a functioning balance, homeostasis, rather than any high).
Withdrawal: An inability or strong discomfort present when the substance is discontinued.
Loss of Control: Behavior becomes substance-driven rather than controlled by the individual. Despite efforts, the individual is not able to stop using.
What Does Treatment Consist Of?
It’s a very common question for those contemplating help. We all have the choice, ultimately, of how we will live. To really answer the question, though, take an objective look at your life. Are you an island unto yourself? Is there really no one impacted by what you choose to do? This does not include the already strained or estranged relationships present, as they have clearly been hurt by your addiction. The truth is, very few, if any people can answer the question above with a genuine and honest “yes.” The question itself is an indication of the battle going on inside you to reconcile your behavior. Addiction, in all its forms, is toxic to relationships and hurts you and others. It offers nothing positive. No one can make you change, but others can help.
How Long Does Treatment Last?
The classic image of substance abuse involves a person out on the streets with no money, friends, or resources. The person is dressed poorly and has a look of despair. While there are instances where addiction appears in this form, it often takes the shape of an individual, who, on the outside, does not appear to have any problem at all. People struggling with addiction frequently hold respected positions in the community and provide well for their families. It is a blessing to have resources, but they can also stand in the way of getting help.
What If It's Legal?
Addiction is a problem and requires competent treatment. Take the illustration of a house fire. If a home catches on fire, our response is not to simply evaluate the size. “Well, it’s a small fire, and it’s in a part of the house we don’t really use that much. Let’s just leave it be for the time being and pretend it’s not there.” However, as with fires, addiction does not stay contained and manageable. That is an illusion. Instead, when there is a fire, the best response is to put it out while it is small and has not done much damage. Just like a home, if we don’t deal with addiction, the fire spreads.
How Can I Help?
What Should I Do to Help My Friend/Loved One With Their Substance Use? (6 Things A Helper Should Know.)
What If They Want to Try Get Sober On Their Own?
How Do I Get Them Motivated to Change? (3 Step approach)
Am I An Enabler?
Can I Sponsor Treatment?
The Role of Family & Friends
Basic Terminology
Support For Families
Commonly Asked Questions
Back to the Top
What Should I Do to Help My Friend/Loved One With His or Her Substance Use?
6 Things A Helper Should Know
First:
Don’t be put off by anger.
Our desire to help the person is natural, fueled by our caring from him or her. We want to make things better but are not sure what to do. Often times, loved ones shy away from helping to avoid hostility or feeling as if they are overbearing. However, these responses are part of the dysfunction of substance use and should be expected, not avoided.
Second:
Take time to learn.
You don’t need the user’s permission to become educated yourself. Learn about use and addiction. Regardless of the user’s response, there is benefit for you in gaining greater insight and for them in having a person in their life who cares enough invest in this manner. Caution: Educating yourself is of great benefit, but can be tainted if you use the knowledge ineffectively. Do not try to be the person’s therapist, or impress them with your new found knowledge. You have the valued position of loved one in their life. You cannot be their treatment provider as well, because there is simply no way for you to remain objective. Even if you did, the dynamic of a personal and then semi-professional relationship is fraught with dysfunction. In counseling, we call this a duel relationship and it is not ethical or effective in the treatment of clients.
Third:
Set healthy limits and boundaries in your relationship.
By its nature, substance use is toxic to a person’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with others. Dishonesty, manipulation, defensiveness, and hostility all begin to encroach on what was once a good relationship. You cannot “repair” the user by making insightful observations or having emotionally powerful moments with them. These are television and movie images, created for entertainment, not as agents of change. Real help is less glamorous, but has great substance. Limits and boundaries are a part of any healthy relationship and must be asserted at a greater level in a relationship with a substance user. The person may resent these at times or attempt many methods of getting you to stop having them, but hold fast. They are not flashy, but they are the thing recovery is made of. Some examples are:
This sounds like “tough love” and it is similar to that concept. Loved ones struggle with feelings of guilt over implementing such strategies, but stay strong. You are not the villain; instead, you must learn to exhibit “courageous love.” Limits and boundaries help you to "be there for the person”, not enabling the user.
Fourth:
The person is lost; be a compass for him or her.
Those who use often present as aimless, not knowing where they are going or how they will get there. You should be the steadfast compass pointing them to getting professional help. Sometimes you may be accused of sounding like a broken record, but sound advice does not change because a person is not willing to hear it. It remains present till they are.
Fifth:
Become the good kind of enabler.
If the person needs a ride to counseling, take him or her. If he or she needs to talk in a constructive way about what they are going through, listen. Take time to engage in substance free activities and gatherings.
Sixth:
Be a friend, not a savior.
None of us can “save” a person from him or herself. Only God can save, and he loves us so much that he gives us the choice of how to live our lives. Attempts to “save” someone lead to burn-out, resentment, and are ultimately counterproductive tp doing what is actually in our control.